Is it Possible to Change Others Behaviors by Changing Your Behavior towards Them?

A turning point in my life came in 1982, at age 25. I purchased a paperback copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” for 50 cents at a garage sale and kept it in my service truck. I used to read it at lunch. It inspired me to begin listening to audio cassettes — books on tape. I quit listening to my extensive Blues collection, gave up the front page of the newspaper and began keeping a journal. I turned into a sponge.

As an HVAC Technician I had a C+ level of technical skills, but with Dale Carnegie’s help, I became an A+ people guy. Sales and opportunity soon followed. It became my “People Handbook,” my “Human Relations Bible.”  That copy is so dog-eared pages fall out when I open it.

Born in Maryville, Missouri, on Nov. 24, 1888, Dale knew only poverty as a boy. He ascended to become the top salesman in his company and region by hard work and study. He moved to New York City in 1911 and began teaching Public Speaking Courses at night, so he could research and write during the day. In 1936, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” went on to sell over 5,000,000 copies by his untimely death in 1955.      

Dale believed and taught that “It’s possible to change other people’s behavior by changing one’s behavior toward them.”  

My three favorite quotes from his book are:

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get them interested in you.”

“Talk to someone about themselves and they can listen for hours!”

“Any fool can criticize, complain and condemn and most fools do. But it takes real character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

I recently reread this classic self-help book and listened to it on CD and determined that if I were to turn his timeless principles into affirmations/goals and bombard my subconscious with my 20 favorite DC principles, (as in, record onto Garage Band, transfer to iTunes and load on my iPhone and listen to it 1,000 times, which takes me about a month) I could raise my interpersonal relationship bar to M. Ghandi/A. Lincoln/M.L. King status.

So here we go … my 20 paraphrased Dale Carnegie (DC) goals, submitted for your approval:

• “I smile to as many people as I can all day long.”
• “I have an amazing memory for names. I employ IRA (Impression, Repetition, Association), so their name sticks in my mind.”
• “I dominate the listening in every conversation and people enjoy being around me! I love to listen and learn all day.”
• “I employ ‘Yes and’ while I listen to keep the spotlight on other people. I observe, acknowledge and heighten what I hear to make my conversations about others. It’s not about me!”
• “I am a good-finder. I enjoy catching others doing things right. ‘Good for you!’ is my favorite phrase. I enjoy making others feel important.”
• “I avoid arguments, negative or mean people. I smile politely and walk away. I would rather be happy than right.”
• “I show respect for other people’s opinions, often saying, ‘You feel strongly about that...’ I resist the temptation to correct, criticize or condemn.”
• “When I am wrong, I promptly admit it. Life is too short to be a jerk.”
• “I begin a conversation in a friendly way. My attitude and approach to others is consistently positive, affirming and kind.” 1
• “I ask open-ended questions (who, what, where, when, how and why) to     learn more about    the people I meet. I am naturally curious.”
• “I enjoy silence. I think twice and speak once or not at all.”
• “I let other people feel the idea was theirs. I often give credit away. I      build   other people’s confidence and esteem… I grow people.”
• “I am an empathetic man, easily and consistently seeing things from the other person’s point of view.”
• “I am sympathetic with other people’s struggles and challenges. I truly care about my fellow man.” 
• I appeal to a noble motive to inspire others to greater heights. I dare them, nudge them, assist them in releasing their potential. I throw down a challenge to raise the bar!”
• “I dramatize my ideas with inspiring and relevant stories to make a point and motivate others to change for the better.” 
• “I genuinely love people and I am making a difference in millions of lives.”
• “I consistently say positive or empowering things behind other people’s back. It usually gets back to them. I avoid gossip like a deadly virus.”
• “I speak in terms of other people’s interests. I am other-centered.”
• “I affirm these goals 5-10 times a day, as they are rapidly becoming a natural and organic part of who I am. I know that all meaningful and lasting change starts first on the inside and works its way out. I love people and my life.”

Imagine what would happen and how your relationships might change for good if you read these 20 Goals twice a day for 30 days? Better still, record them and store them on your iPhone and listen to them 10 times a day! You just might win way more friends and influence everyone you meet, but that wouldn’t work where you live or would it?

I kind of miss that old service truck. Come to think of it, I kind of miss audio cassettes too... you know, twisting the reel to make certain it plays right; okay, not really. Now where did I put my iPhone?

Mark Matteson is one of the EGIA Contractor University faculty members. EGIA Contractor University has assembled the most experienced and dynamic faculty ever put together. Faculty members have personally built some of the most successful contracting companies in America. Visit Contracting Business for more information and to learn about the Contractor Leadership Live event.

Matteson gives over 75 presentations each year. You can book him now to secure the inspiring message that will spark your group’s success! To read free blog posts, articles, special reports, or to sign up for Mark’s monthly e-zine or watch Mark’s demo video, go to: www.sparkingsuccess.net. Call 206.697.0454 or email [email protected].